Living with ADHD: Improving Listening Skills & Relationships

For adults living with ADHD, listening closely can sometimes feel like a daunting challenge. That’s because listening requires focus, patience, and attention to detail—even if we don’t always see it that way.
 
There are endless reasons to work on your listening skills—from absorbing long lectures to getting more out of work meetings. But perhaps the most important benefit of becoming a better listener is that it can greatly improve your relationships with friends, family, and coworkers.
 
The Personal Value of Listening
When a person—such as a romantic partner or friend—hangs on your every word, it’s a clear sign that they care about you. They’re interested in what you have to say, and they’re doing their best to truly engage with you. On the flip side, when somebody ignores you, drifts off during a conversation, or interrupts, they send the signal that they’re not interested in what you have to say. Over repeated instances, this can leave you feeling diminished and unimportant in their eyes.
 
If you have ADHD, it’s not your fault that listening is more difficult for you than it is for others. But that doesn’t change the fact that not paying attention to people can damage your relationships, sometimes in a major ways. Fortunately, there are strategies and habits you can use to improve your listening skills.
 
Practice Active Listening
“Active listening” is a common communication ­technique that’s used in counseling, conflict resolution, and everyday conversation. Put simply, it involves absorbing what someone says to you, putting it in your own words to confirm you understand, and allowing them to continue on.
 
When others are speaking to you, remember to be “present”—for example, pay attention to what they’re saying instead of focusing on how you’re going to respond to it. If you notice yourself drifting off, return to what the person is saying.  Be sure to nod along and respond occasionally, and don’t be afraid to comment or ask questions—but don’t interrupt before they’ve finished speaking. When responding, slow down and breathe between phrases.

​Try not to focus solely on yourself. Repeat back to the person some of the things they’ve said during the conversation so that they know you’re listening, and ask questions if they seem appropriate.
 
You can practice active listening any time; you might start practicing this tactics in passing conversations, then apply them to longer discussions with friends or partners.
 
Educating Others
You can make great strides in your listening skills, but you may always face difficulty sustaining conversations due to your adult ADHD—and that’s totally fine. Ultimately, that’s just another reason why it’s so important to communicate with partners, family, and close friends about your symptoms.
 
You can educate them about adult ADHD, explaining that it makes prolonged attentiveness especially challenging. Telling them about your symptoms isn’t an excuse for ignoring or interrupting them in the future—but it can build empathy, while shifting the focus from your negative behaviors to the effort you’re making to improve the relationship.
 
To learn more about strategies for improving your listening skills and living with adult ADHD, contact me at Cloud Counseling today.

Your adult ADHD diagnosis means that day-to-day tasks that seem simple to others can be daunting, but there’s no reason to despair. With knowledge and counseling, your symptoms are manageable. To learn more about strategies for tackling the symptoms of adult ADHD, contact me at Cloud Counseling today.