HOW TO HELP YOUR PARTNER WITH ADHD—AND YOURSELF

​If your partner has ADHD, you both have a lot to benefit from learning about his or her condition. Taking the time to understand can improve your peace of mind and the health of your relationship.
 
Understanding is easier said than done, though. First, your partner may not even know she suffers from ADHD. She may never have been diagnosed. A significant number of adults with ADHD are unaware that they have the condition. When neither of you knows that a particular behavior is a symptom, you may misinterpret it.
 
For example, if your partner is easily distracted when you talk to her, you may think it means she doesn’t love you when, in fact, the distractibility likely has less to do with a lack of affection–and more to do with her ADHD.
 
Another difficulty is the destructive cycle that can occur when the two of you become locked in a struggle. For instance, your ADHD partner doesn’t pay attention to you; you feel ignored and respond with anger; in turn, your partner feels attacked, and the conflict escalates.
 
Another challenge occurs if your partner does not have her symptoms under control enough to be responsible. If she proves unreliable when it comes to picking up the children, for example, you will pick up the slack. Over time, you might take on the role of parent not only to your children, but also to your ADHD partner, and your partner can almost feel like an additional “child” in the family.
 
Know How To Nurture Your Relationship
 
1. Learn About ADHD
Once you understand the symptoms of ADHD, you will not be caught by surprise.
 
If you then refrain from interpreting your partner’s irritability or oppositional stances as meaning she doesn’t love you, the two of you can join forces to find ways of managing behaviors she’s not so proud of. Instead of working at odds, you can become a team.
 
2. Find an Appropriate Treatment Plan
Your ADHD partner’s ways of managing behaviors she’s not so proud of may include a combination of medication, exercise, healthy eating and sufficient sleep. It may also involve her adjusting her behavior to create new habits, such as careful scheduling.
 
The two of you can plan your week, keeping in mind how emotionally drained your partner will feel after certain activities. Then, you can make arrangements that protect her energy and allow her to interact with people in a way she is proud of. Finally, the two of you will need to schedule time together and devise verbal cues to keep fights from intensifying.
 
3. Make Your Relationship a Joint Venture
As the non-ADHD partner, be willing to give away some responsibilities in a well-thought-out way that allows your partner to succeed.
 
Help your partner manage tasks by turning them into games with rewards built in. For example, she could set a timer for ten minutes, put some fun music on, and challenge herself to get as much done as possible until the timer stops. After ten minutes, she can shift to the next task or, if there are no remaining tasks, enjoy a reward, such as a video game. Rewards enhance the brain’s release of dopamine.
 
4. Make Time to Connect
All couples need to connect, but because ADHD partners are easily distracted, it can be even more essential to plan dates, time for intimacy, and opportunities for conversation about issues that are important and interesting to both of you. Share your ideas and goals together. Treat each other as equals. You and your ADHD-partner are different, but neither of you is superior.
 
Reach Out to a Specialist
Finally, if you believe that couples counseling with a therapist who specializes in ADHD could benefit you and your partner, you may want to consult with Cloud Counseling about ways to work together to create more seamlessness in your day-to-day routines.
 
This can foster greater understanding and intimacy in your relationship. Contact us to learn more and get started.

Your adult ADHD diagnosis means that day-to-day tasks that seem simple to others can be daunting, but there’s no reason to despair. With knowledge and counseling, your symptoms are manageable. To learn more about strategies for tackling the symptoms of adult ADHD, contact Cloud Counseling today.